i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize