I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
