it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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