what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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