matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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