i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
