How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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