so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
