At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
