Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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