did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
