dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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