True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
