Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
