there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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