and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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