Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
