What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry my hands just texted you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
