If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
