I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
