How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
