Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
