I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
