gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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