Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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