1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
