He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
