Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
