dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
