porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
