We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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