You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
