just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
