why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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