No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize