We're like a lot better than the average bears
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
