Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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