I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
