ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
