she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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