I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
