Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
