forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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