What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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