SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
