I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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