I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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