Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
