I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
