my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
