hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
