it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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