If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
