You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
