took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I looked at my own cervix.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I AM VODKA MAN
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
