come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
