Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize