i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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