brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
