I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
