How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
