My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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