I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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