I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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