to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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