I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
