okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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