You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
