I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
