I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i out mim tonsoeep
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
