I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
