We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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