So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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