I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
