The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
