Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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