Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
