i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
