drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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