Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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