there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
