you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
