Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
