i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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