I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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