I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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