When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
