...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
